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Build Your Body Confidence!

March 11, 2016 · 1 Comment

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If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent more than enough time feeling gross in your own body. Wishing it were different. Getting mad at it for looking a certain way… feeling a certain way. Annoyed with yourself for gaining that extra five pounds. Or maybe it was ten.

Imagine… to go shopping and pick your outfit based on what looks cute and shows off your personality rather than finding something based on what body part it hides.

Imagine… letting your desires and pleasure beacon guide your sex life rather than being distracted by how your body looks in that otherwise passionate moment of lovemaking. .

It seems that we’re living in a world where it’s more common and acceptable to openly shame and talk bad about our bodies than it is to pipe up on how proud we are in them or how sexy we feel.

PS… it’s okay to feel bomb as shit in your own body!!!

In a society where body shaming has become not only acceptable, but seemingly the norm, I see it as my responsibility to be confident in my own body, emanate positive self-esteem and in doing so, set an example for others.

Through my own journey from body hatred to self-confidence, I want to share the seven factors that changed my world, rocked my socks, and that are responsible for the deep self-love I feel and continue to practice today.

1) STOP body shaming. Yourself AND others.

Fat.
Skinny.
Too muscular.
Not muscular enough.
Slutty.
Frigid.
Overdressed.
Underdressed.
Flat chested.
Too tanned.
Too pale.

If shaming ourselves actually worked to make our bodies somehow better or make us somehow happier don’t you think we’d all be walking around in our dream body by now? After all, self-shaming seems to be the epidemic of thIs century.

Shaming can sneak itself into our minds without us even knowing. I always try to monitor my shame-o-meter by checking in and seeing how judgmental I’m being towards other people. It can be difficult at times to notice what our own mental chatter is piping up about towards ourselves with the loud voices that go on upstairs, but it’s pretty plain and clear to see when we’re shaming someone else.

Whether it’s out loud in conversation or the voice that pipes up when you’re at the gym or the grocery store, start to pay attention to when you’re criticizing someone else’s body.
Catch that sucker of a judgement and throw it out the window! Out with the shaming! Towards others AND towards ourselves.

Instead, try giving someone a compliment. Building up other’s confidence in turn sends positive feedback to our own minds 😉

2) GET NAKED!!!

Yup, that’s right! Ditch the clothes and strut your stuff! Dance around your room in nothing but your birthday suit!

Being naked is the most natural and beautiful state any person can be in, yet again, our society and standards would have us think otherwise, that our body is something to be ashamed of. That our genitals and nipples are something that should remain hidden away.

I used to feel so uncomfortable naked that I would actually sleep in full sweat pants, a t-shirt and sometimes even a sweater. When I was in a relationship, I would really only get naked before hanky-panky time while I was already laying down or under the covers. This not only kept me feeling hidden and timid, but left my partners frustrated and annoyed which in turn left me feeling even more ashamed and frustrated at myself for not being more confident.

Get naked. By yourself. With your beloved. It doesn’t matter. If prancing around your bedroom in the nude scares the shit out of you, start by sleeping naked. Start to train yourself to get comfortable looking at and being vulnerable in your own nakedness.

PS… your naked-ness is fucking beautiful 😉

3) DITCH the comparisons!
While Instagram would have us believe that the perfect body type is an apple bottom tush, rock hard abs, and plump breasts, the reality is that WE ALL COME IN DIFFERENT SHAPES AND SIZES and developing and practicing an acceptance for the body you have is essential to build and boost your confidence!

News-fucking-flash! How boring would people be if we all looked the same, with no variety in height, weights, and limb structure? There’s countless different body types and they are all beautiful and unique in their own way.

Some of us are big bootied chicks. Some of us have bee-stings for breasts. Some of us have watermelons attached to our chests. Some of us have long lean legs with barley a bum between our thighs and our back. Some of us have short legs and long torsos. Some of us have broad-set shoulders with short necks. You get the point….

I would also like to point out and emphasize that the societal standard for beauty is constantly changing over time anyways so don’t waste your time trying to reach some ideal of someone else’s standard of beauty. One year it’s slender and slim that’s “in” with thigh gaps being the eye of admiration. Then come along the Kardashians and suddenly the complete opposite look is to envy and strive for.

PS… Every shape of your body is beautiful. You are beautiful <3

4) Take RESPONSIBILITY

Part of self-care and self-love is taking care of yourself! Body acceptance and dropping comparisons doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck where you are. It doesn’t mean that you have to surrender to a life of feeling out of shape, under nourished, or lacking in energy.

It’s totally 100% possible to accept where you are right here, right now, decide to love yourself, AND make healthful changes and improvements to your body and your life.

Accepting yourself doesn’t mean that you hand off all responsibility for your own health and life. It means looking at where you’re at, right here, right now, loving the person you are while taking RESPONSIBILITY for the choices you’ve made to get you where you are, keeping those that have worked, and empowering yourself to make better ones where you’ve previously sold yourself short.

All the positive affirmations in the world won’t do shit unless you actually get up off the couch and decide to make a change to how you’ve been living and treating your body.

Continually making these empowered decisions is like flexing your confidence muscle. It gets stronger and stronger the more you use it.

PS…. You DO have a choice! <3

5) ACT AS IF

Yup… the good ol’ fake it til’ you make it! This strategy might seem cliché but I assure you of it’s effectiveness in boosting up your confidence meter.

If you were the most confident and self-assured version of yourself, what would you be doing? How would you speak in conversations? How would you move your body? How would you dress? Would you make more direct eye contact with people? Would you have more conversations with people you don’t know or know very little about?

Get a good, clear and concise vision of how you would carry yourself throughout the day if you were absolutely comfortable in yourself, take these characteristics and act them out in real life.

This not only gives you practice but it actually sends a message to your subconscious mind that you already are that which you are trying to create. The more you do this, the better!

Again, it’s like that muscle that grows bigger and stronger the more it is worked and flexed.

PS… no one will know you’re “fakin’” it so relax, have fun, and act the part!

You need no one’s permission to be bold, beautiful and sexy. Consider THIS your written permission to go out there, hold your head high, your shoulders back, and EXPRESS yourself as the divine creature you are. Consider THIS your hall pass to start feeling, living, and breathing confidence even if you don’t believe it quite yet.

Be bold.
Be beautiful.
Be you.

What’s Your ‘WHY’??

March 4, 2016 · Leave a Comment

About 3 years ago after a nasty breakup and an empowering decision to walk away from alcohol, drugs and the party scene, I dove headfirst into learning about and implementing exercise, health and nutrition.

At first this felt out of desperation to occupy my mind and time with something now that I wasn’t spending every weekend at the bar, slamming shots and snorting lines.

It wasn’t long into this new lifestyle that I started noticing a drastic change in my body, a change that I liked and a change that didn’t take long for other people to start noticing and commenting on.

My stomach was slimming, my butt was becoming more noticeable and my arms started looking sculpted and lean. I was loving it and quickly found myself wanting more.

Craving more.

So what did I do?

Well, I went harder of course! Exercising more and becoming increasingly more obsessive over what I was eating, controlling and restricting my food choices and how much I ingested.

While this approach did give me the look I wanted, it most certainly didn’t leave me feeling very good. I had completely abandoned my social life, not wanting to be tempted by the food and drinks that so often accompany outings with friends. I spent around 2-3 hours in the gym every day, leaving me no time to spend doing anything else I loved, like reading, writing or spending time with my dog and friends.

As I looked around at the life I was now living, that I had created for myself, I still didn’t feel happy. While I had achieved the body I wanted, I felt like I had lost everything else that was important to me in the process.

After much panic, agony and internal conflict, I decided to stop calculating every morsel of food I ingested and not follow such a strict and structured workout routine. In my mind I now had a free pass to eat whatever the fuck I wanted and skip workouts whenever I didn’t feel like exercising, all personal responsibility flying out the window.

Inevitably, I started to gain weight again and lose the body I had worked so hard for but, worse than that, I was feeling sluggish and weighed down by the sugar and other heavy foods that tasted good, but weren’t leaving my body feeling very good.

Again, the internal battle reared up in my mind.

I felt like I had to choose between following a strict workout and food plan or eating anything and everything and working out only when I wanted.

Not wanting to accept either of these options as the answers, I searched yet again for a better way.

And I’m excited to share with you just what that answer is.

I’ll give you a hint…

It’s in the title of this blog…

You got it!

It’s the WHY!!!!

You might know what your goals are, your desired end result, where you want to get to and what you want to accomplish.

But… have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you want these things in the first place?

Could there be more than one reason why you would want whatever it is you want anyways?

The truth is that there can be a million reasons why. Even two people striving for the exact same thing… the same house, car, body, job or romantic partner might have completely different reasons for why they want that thing in the first place.

You yourself could have multiple reasons why you’re reaching for the result you desire. Even though the final destination can be reached either way, how you get there and how you feel in the process could vary greatly.

Asking yourself the why of any decision you are making or any goal you are striving for will be an absolute game changer.

It was for me.

You see, after the initial act of looking for something to do with my time to distract myself from partying, the primary reason I continued working out and eating well was because of how it made me look and what I thought other people would think of me based on how I looked.

When wanting to steer away from the strict exercise and food structure, in my mind I was making a trade-off of other people thinking I looked smokin’ for freedom. Freedom to spend my time how I wanted and eat what I wanted.

But then, when I had this freedom, I still felt crumby because my body didn’t look or feel the way I wanted it to, at which point I knew that I had to eat healthier and exercise more to change this.

Dreading going back to square one, I started asking myself WHY? What was the why that was actually making me want to work out and encouraging me to be healthy?

When I started, my why was simply to look good. To look good to attract male attention. To look good to be better than other women. To gain some form of external significance and confidence.

The second main reason previously was because I was scared. There was this fear lurking in the back of my mind, driving all my decisions. The fear of getting fat. The fear of being unaccepted or worse yet, rejected because of my body. Rejected by men and sex. Rejected by other women.

Rejected by myself.

Those were the forces driving me to exercise and eat healthy. So, it’s no wonder I still felt like shit after dropping the exercise and meal plan because in my mind I had surrendered to the very things I was so afraid of… Not looking good and ultimately being rejected.

Now I stand in a very different pair of shoes with a much different perspective than I did during either of those previous decisions.

I now stand with a new found clarity on my why.

This new why is that I do want a body I look good in but even more importantly, I want a body that I feel good in. Part of feeling good in my body is looking good in my body. But not for anyone else. Not for the male sexual attention I otherwise felt unworthy of. And not for the acceptance of other women whom I assumed were judging me. And most certainly not to be accepted by the standard society has led me to believe is the only way.

I now work out almost every day and eat a mostly whole food based diet of tons of veggies, fruits, fish, nuts and grains but, I do it because it gives me energy. It not only makes my body feel strong and useful, it actually improves my mood, my libido and my ability to process my emotions.

Exercising and moving my body everyday takes me out of my head where I have a tendency to over-think, over-analyze and create unnecessary stress for myself. It helps me to get grounded in my body, tuning in to recognize when I can challenge myself to build strength and when I need to back off, be gentler and nurture myself.

My why now and moving forward is that I want to live the absolute best life possible, busting through all physical and mental blocks that might be holding me back.

My why now is that I want to look and feel sexy and feminine in my body, totally embracing and loving who I am.

My why now is because I want to live a long and healthy life and not ever have my desires limited by the condition of my health or body, especially where preventable and I have a choice.

What is your why?

Not just for the shape and conditions of your physical body but for anything you desire, any goal you are setting or anything you are striving towards. Because when you can get clear on the why, it can make the action steps to get there a heck of a lot more enjoyable or at the very least, less of a struggle. It can push you through when you feel like giving up.
It can make you come back alive to live and feel the life you came here to be a part of.

This one, simple shift can change everything.

Is fear COCK BLOCKING your dreams?!?!

February 12, 2016 · 1 Comment

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We’ve all had that friend. You know the one I’m talking about. They’ve always “got your back”, looking out for you and keeping you safe, protecting you from harm’s way.

She’s the one that’s taken it to the extreme, probably more than once, pretending to be your lesbian lover just to get the nerdy dude at the bar off your back. Meanwhile, you’re actually secretly totally digging his goofiness.

He’s the one that’s taken it to the complete opposite extreme, jumping in between you and the girl you’ve been wheeling all night, somehow winning her over with his charm in once fowl swoop of the perfectly strung together sentence. “Dude, she probably would have broken your heart anyways, I softened the blow.” He justifies.

Yup, you know the friend I’m talking about. They cock block.

Every. Time.

Jumping in to place a massive wedge between you and your desired target. Often in the name of keeping you safe. Protecting you. Looking out for your best interest.

What if though, there’s another, even bigger, stealthier blocker working with greater expertise? Only this one isn’t jamming itself in between you and your desired sex partner.

Nope, this one has a much larger agenda than preventing you from bringing home the wrong man or woman.

This cock block’s name is Fear and it’s preventing you from bringing home your dreams.

It’s that relentless voice in your own head that tells you that you can’t possibly do that. Whatever that is. It’s the part of your brain that guarantees you everyone you love and care about will reject and disapprove of you if you take that massive leap into the unknown simply because your heart calls you to.

It’s the part of you that plays small, understating you and your message, holding you back from full expression with the justification that “no one else has ever done it before, so what makes you think you can?”

It’s the lump that jams itself in the center of your throat, as you open your mouth to speak your opinion when you know it goes against what everyone else in the room believes. The same lump that convinces you it’s a horrible idea to tell him you love him or to ask her to marry you.

It’s that moment you hesitate to stand up for the underdog whom you know deserves better than how they’re being treated. It tricks you into believing that your world will fall apart if everybody doesn’t like you.

It’s that empty sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and the thumping of your heart against the back of your ribs. Even the biological response of the cells in your body seemingly screaming at you that you can’t possible set out to accomplish the desired goal.

It has sneaky and discrete ways of showing up, making it difficult to call out and put a finger on. No matter the magnitude of the situation, this fear always finds a way of sliding in its two cents on the situation. Be it demanding that the heals you’re wearing are too provocative with that sexy black dress or that you can’t possibly start the business you dream of from the bottom up and have it be successful.

This fear has other, even more sly ways of sneaking its way in to influence your every move, running your actions seemingly against your own approval. It’s the fight you start with your lover just when your relationship is going to that next, deeper level of intimacy. Your heart opens, inviting in the love, just in time for fear to dig its claws into the open space, fighting for you in the name of safety and protection.

It’s the entire chocolate cake you down the moment you walk through the door from work, stuffing away the emotions bubbling up within you. Anything not to feel those feelings that threaten to take you over. The sadness that feels like it might split your heart in one moment and the exuberant joy and happiness that if let out, would bust all illusions you’ve believed about life needing to be a struggle to thrive and survive.

It’s time for us to call this fear out and see it for what it really is.

It’s an old friend, someone you’ve been super close with for years. Your entire life really. Always standing at your side, looking in every direction for signs of threat or danger, going to any and every extent to keep you safe. It’s the best friend that never wants to see your heart hurt, your tears shed, or your happiness shattered but that secretly fucks your spouse behind your back.

It has gone to extreme measures to stop you from living, sneaking its way in every decision you make and opportunity you consider.

What if you never live out the passions, dreams and longings that are dwelling in your heart because it’s safer to stay exactly where you are? The monotony of the life you’ve been living, certain in its providing of stability to your everyday but that spark inside never having the opportunity to mature into a full blown bonfire.

All because of one friend who you’ve always let make the choices. Maybe they’ve been making the choices so long that you don’t even know what choice you would make were they not there to decide for you.

What choice would you make on your own, completely independent from this stubborn friend? Can you tell this friend, even once today, that you’re calling the shot?

Ready to Be Me…

February 4, 2016 · Leave a Comment

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I am ready to be me.
All of me.
I am ready to come out of hiding and show the world who I am.
Who I really am.
Not the toned down and diluted version of myself but the truth that dwells, pulsating in my heart, dying to be let out.
Expressed.
I am ready to be me.
All of me.
Every crack, flaw and imperfection.
I am ready to be me.
Every yearned for desire spoken through my parted lips, tremble as they might.
I am ready to be me.
Free of the shame, guilt, struggle and sabotage.
I am ready to be me.
Ready to speak the words dwelling in my throat that have always been swallowed down for fear of what reaction they might cause.
They’re dying to be spoken.
Free of the petrified fear of being ‘too much’ or worse yet… not enough.
I am ready to be me.
Ready to release the fear of stepping out of the walls I have built up around myself.
Where I thought I would be protected from my greatest fear, rejection, being misunderstood, alone and afraid.
Yet, here I find myself…
Looking around to see that I have created my worst nightmare and greatest fear through the attempted escape of just that.
I’m ready to be me.
All of me.
Free of the fear.
Free of the guilt.
Free of the shame.
The anxiety.
Free of the unworthiness.
The need to be right..
… the fear of being wrong.
Free of the pain of a life lived only half expressed.
For this isn’t life at all.
I’m ready to be me.
All of me.
All of me.