We’ve all had that friend. You know the one I’m talking about. They’ve always “got your back”, looking out for you and keeping you safe, protecting you from harm’s way.
She’s the one that’s taken it to the extreme, probably more than once, pretending to be your lesbian lover just to get the nerdy dude at the bar off your back. Meanwhile, you’re actually secretly totally digging his goofiness.
He’s the one that’s taken it to the complete opposite extreme, jumping in between you and the girl you’ve been wheeling all night, somehow winning her over with his charm in once fowl swoop of the perfectly strung together sentence. “Dude, she probably would have broken your heart anyways, I softened the blow.” He justifies.
Yup, you know the friend I’m talking about. They cock block.
Jumping in to place a massive wedge between you and your desired target. Often in the name of keeping you safe. Protecting you. Looking out for your best interest.
What if though, there’s another, even bigger, stealthier blocker working with greater expertise? Only this one isn’t jamming itself in between you and your desired sex partner.
Nope, this one has a much larger agenda than preventing you from bringing home the wrong man or woman.
This cock block’s name is Fear and it’s preventing you from bringing home your dreams.
It’s that relentless voice in your own head that tells you that you can’t possibly do that. Whatever that is. It’s the part of your brain that guarantees you everyone you love and care about will reject and disapprove of you if you take that massive leap into the unknown simply because your heart calls you to.
It’s the part of you that plays small, understating you and your message, holding you back from full expression with the justification that “no one else has ever done it before, so what makes you think you can?”
It’s the lump that jams itself in the center of your throat, as you open your mouth to speak your opinion when you know it goes against what everyone else in the room believes. The same lump that convinces you it’s a horrible idea to tell him you love him or to ask her to marry you.
It’s that moment you hesitate to stand up for the underdog whom you know deserves better than how they’re being treated. It tricks you into believing that your world will fall apart if everybody doesn’t like you.
It’s that empty sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and the thumping of your heart against the back of your ribs. Even the biological response of the cells in your body seemingly screaming at you that you can’t possible set out to accomplish the desired goal.
It has sneaky and discrete ways of showing up, making it difficult to call out and put a finger on. No matter the magnitude of the situation, this fear always finds a way of sliding in its two cents on the situation. Be it demanding that the heals you’re wearing are too provocative with that sexy black dress or that you can’t possibly start the business you dream of from the bottom up and have it be successful.
This fear has other, even more sly ways of sneaking its way in to influence your every move, running your actions seemingly against your own approval. It’s the fight you start with your lover just when your relationship is going to that next, deeper level of intimacy. Your heart opens, inviting in the love, just in time for fear to dig its claws into the open space, fighting for you in the name of safety and protection.
It’s the entire chocolate cake you down the moment you walk through the door from work, stuffing away the emotions bubbling up within you. Anything not to feel those feelings that threaten to take you over. The sadness that feels like it might split your heart in one moment and the exuberant joy and happiness that if let out, would bust all illusions you’ve believed about life needing to be a struggle to thrive and survive.
It’s time for us to call this fear out and see it for what it really is.
It’s an old friend, someone you’ve been super close with for years. Your entire life really. Always standing at your side, looking in every direction for signs of threat or danger, going to any and every extent to keep you safe. It’s the best friend that never wants to see your heart hurt, your tears shed, or your happiness shattered but that secretly fucks your spouse behind your back.
It has gone to extreme measures to stop you from living, sneaking its way in every decision you make and opportunity you consider.
What if you never live out the passions, dreams and longings that are dwelling in your heart because it’s safer to stay exactly where you are? The monotony of the life you’ve been living, certain in its providing of stability to your everyday but that spark inside never having the opportunity to mature into a full blown bonfire.
All because of one friend who you’ve always let make the choices. Maybe they’ve been making the choices so long that you don’t even know what choice you would make were they not there to decide for you.
What choice would you make on your own, completely independent from this stubborn friend? Can you tell this friend, even once today, that you’re calling the shot?